Forgiven
by Fuseki
Summary: It is said that there have only been two instances where a Haruka and a Michiru have failed to love... Shoujo ai,  H


It is said that many years ago, in a time of peace, there came to be a legend of two lovers whose eternal devotion to each other created a never-ending legend. These lovers were forever meant to be, destined to find each other and live our their destinies together.

It is also said there are few instances where their love remains unrequited. These instances mark some of the greatest disasters in the era of the rule of the Moon Kingdom. Perhaps it is not to say that they are the absolute key, but that their power - the power of true love - is the greatest ally in the fight against evil.

* * *

I watched my life unfold through my sister's eyes. Early in my life I had been endowed with a sense of clairvoyance. For years in my youth I told my parents about my strange dreams involving circumstances that eventually came true. Their misunderstanding led to their fear and distrust of me. "Sumiko!" they would scold. "You will scare the whole palace with your stories!"

I kept my dreams to myself from then on, writing them in a diary. One night, an apparition revealed the most daunting truth of my life.

My sister and I, twins, were both destined to lead the royal family of Neptune. Michiru was lovely, with the aqua hair we both shared, her eyes forever beautiful and full of light. "Michiru will make a fine queen," it was declared by the maids and servant-girls of the palace.

I was something of a late bloomer. Awkward until the start of my maidenhood. Whereas my sister attended parties and events, I often stayed by myself in the gardens, drawing the birds that gawked at the fish in the fountain. My sister rode horses and hunted game, and I learned to play the violin so profoundly my teacher discussed taking me to earth to play for the kingdom's grand masters.

My life was simple, living in the shadow of my twin and dwelling in the arts, ignoring the rigorous etiquette of court life and the frills of parties. I felt there would be no better purpose than to marry a duke and allow my sister to have the throne. This was, of course, until the day I met Princess Haruka.

* * *

The party was like all of the others. Michiru wore a beautiful gown that shone like a pearl, her long hair pinned back. Our mother gave to her a pink stain for her lips with made her all the more beautiful. This was the summer we turned 14, when the Neptunian moons rose high in the sky each night, filling the evenings with an aurora.

I wore a black dress covered in silver thread embellishments, my own hair braided, the maids chattering. My dress withered in comparison to my beautiful sister's. But then, this wasn't the eve of my betrothal.

Myself and our mother accompanied Michiru to the throne room of the elaborate palace of Triton. The light was receding from the sky, even the glow of the moons unable to hide the splash of stars. I paused to admire them, their twinkling lights peeking over the pink opal sunset. As my gaze settled to the horizon, I saw her. She stood in the garden, almost mistakable for a boy if it hadn't been for her ever so slightly graceful mannerisms. She wore a white tunic with golden stitching and tan breeches tucked into brown boots, her hair an unruly, short mess, tousled by the wind. She lifted her hand to offer seed to a small bird, her smile soft and welcoming. Despite that I couldn't hear her words from that distance, I could see she spoke to the bird as well as the other birds in the courtyard, who seemed almost to listen.

I watched her for a moment, but soon there was a call and she turned and left. My mind, however, replayed her memory. Her face, her eyes. Somewhere in my mind, a dream simultaneously replayed that same being. My heart thumped in my chest like that of a scared rabbit.

As I neared the throne room, my mother scolded me for my absence. I apologized, but my mind was elsewhere. Michiru was being spoken to by the King of Uranus, whose kind eyes encompassed all. My mother led me to their group just as a tall, black-haired guard led in the princess from the courtyard. My heart skipped again, but Haruka's eyes never fell on me.

My sister was all charm as always, her smile undeniable. The blonde princess kissed her hand, the Uranian king explaining her to be 16 and 'too head strong for her own good'. He gave his apologies that the queen could not attend. My mother accepted his apology with grace and introduced my sister, then myself.

Haruka's eyes turned to me for the first time. I could see then that they were the color of rain-filled clouds, a strong-willed sense of justice and virtue there. I admired her from the very beginning, and knew in those eyes was a certain confusion. Her eyes flicked to my sister, then back to me. She took my hand, leaning to kiss it, the others oblivious when her kiss lingered just a second longer than it should have. She looked at me again, her eyes trying to find their answers in my own. An eternity seemed to pass as her long fingers lingered on my fingertips.

"Sumiko," my mother broke our silent battle of the minds. "Bring the box."

I did as I was told, retrieving the long golden box from the table by the door. I brought it to them and my mother took it, her smile soft and proud. She turned to Michiru. "My daughter. Our family has passed down this heirloom through the generations. This is a gift only you and Haruka can share."

The opened the box and I felt my heart quake again. Inside the heavy container sat an intricate sword and an equally elaborate mirror, both, I knew, sharing the same golden heart. My sister gasped in delight and I lowered my eyes as she touched the mirror. The blonde princess took the sword, smiling some as her fingers caressed it.

My mother seemed pleased and looked to the king. "Let us plan for the wedding, shall we? I am sure the dinner is prepared."

* * *

Michiru sat beside Haruka at the dinner. I sat beside my mother, who talked with the king of Uranus as she sliced her salmon fillet. I pushed mine around my plate, uncertain. My sister's smiles were flirty with the blonde princess. Why did this bother me so?

When I felt I had sat there for an adequate time, I asked to leave and was dismissed. I went to the garden, my head spinning. The stars themselves even seemed to move. What should I have done?

I heard another in the garden and turned from the fountain to see the tall princess, her eyes finding mine then casting downwards almost shyly. I blushed, but smiled softly. "Is there something the matter, princess?" I asked quietly, folding my hands before me.

She looked to me then, the confusion back in her eyes. The long, beautiful sword covered in gold and jewels was at her side. "Who are you?" she asked finally, softly, the wind carrying it to me.

I frowned some and looked to her. "I don't understand," I replied.

It was her turn to frown then. "My parents have spoken only of Michiru for the past week. They said they were honored to have the Golden Lovers for children. They showed me this room," she mused, her eyes sliding to the birds in the trees who chirped softly in the night. "This room about her and I, generations of... and yet... meeting you...," she frowned, puzzled again.

I swallowed, my heart pounding in my ears as I moved to her. "Yes...?"

Her eyes turned to me, setting my heart aflutter more than my own thoughts ever could have. "Somehow, you are the one I was attracted to." Her fingers rose, barely skimming my cheek, sliding against the unruly locks of my bangs, then down, over my shoulder and collar. "Is that forward of me?" she asked softly and I lifted my eyes to find hers.

"I don't believe so, princess," I replied just as quietly.

Her fingers lingered on my neck, sending quivers up my spine. "I would like to see you again," she said, her eyes confused and yet somehow sure.

* * *

It was a week before Haruka's wedding to my sister when I saw her again. I was being fitted with my dress for their ceremony when the tailor dressing me let out a surprised exclamation. I turned, seeing the handsome blonde in the doorway, her eyes on me and me alone. I felt the blush rise to my cheeks and looked to the tailor, who gave me a surprised glance before leaving with his measurements.

Haruka moved to my side. "Took you long enough," I smiled coyly. I turned to her, my eyes sad as I showed her my aqua satin dress.

"Is this for the wedding?" she asked, sliding her fingers over the delicate strap. I nodded and she lifted me from the tailor's platform, sliding her arms around me much to my surprise. She held me close for a moment, then placed a shy kiss on my hair, her smile flirtatious when she pulled away. "I missed you."

"You did?" I asked softly.

She nodded. "I'm sorry. I know this must hurt you. It hurts me. I... tried to find something in that stupid room that would tell me why...," her fingertips caressed my cheek. "Why I feel for you."

I placed my finger to her lips. "Shh, there's someone coming." I returned to the platform as my mother walked in a minute later. Haruka gave me a surprised glance and I stared into my hands.

"There you are, Haruka," my mother said, her eyes finding me and frowning. "We were just about to go through the rehearsal. I see you are ready also, Sumiko," her voice was almost razor sharp. I nodded to her quickly. "Good. Haruka, why don't you go on ahead? I believe your father needed to speak with you."

The blonde looked to me once again before bowing her head to my mother and leaving. My mother watched the princess go before turning her eyes to me.

"Why did she come to see you first?" she asked, her eyes slits.

I frowned and shrugged my shoulder. "She wanted to talk to me about a gift to Michiru is all," I answered simply.

My mother's eyes remained on me, a frown on her lovely rouged lips. "Is there something going on?"

I felt my heart tug, wondering if it would be possible to change destiny. "Mother, I want-."

"You want to be with her? How dare you. This is your sister's fate," her tone was low and angry. "You would dare to take true love away from her?" her voice rose. I spun, moving off the pedestal towards her.

"Mother! I'm-," I let out a gasp as she slapped me, my cheek stinging from the impact. I stood there, stunned, my eyes wide for a moment, tears immediately gathering at the corners.

"You ungrateful child," she growled. "You will stay away from Princess Haruka. You will not tempt her anymore with your foolish thoughts! I forbid it!" She turned and left, leaving me in silence.

* * *

The wedding was beautiful, the palace decorated in gold-tipped roses, doves cooing in every corner. Michiru looked absolutely perfect in her white gown, her hair done in elegant loops. A sapphire hung around her neck, a gift from the king and queen of Uranus. I stood to her side, Haruka's guard at the blonde's. I felt my heart break as they said their vows, Haruka's grey eyes trying desperately to find my own but I avoided her gaze.

After the ceremony, the whole of royalty in the entire kingdom, it seemed, gathered in the royal dining hall. I sat in a corner seat, watching Haruka and Michiru's first dance. The music was so happy, the guests so cheerful, but even as I played the violin ballad I'd written just for my sister and her new love, I felt myself grow more unhappy with the passing moment.

Before the party ended, I left, going to the courtyard. I sank into the bench, remembering my mother's words which stung even more than my cheek. I lowered my head as I cried.

Moments later, I felt a light touch on my hair and looked up, surprised to see Haruka standing over me. She wore her reception outfit, a beautiful navy overcoat rimmed in gold with ivory breeches, her boots well shined. "Please, talk to me," she pleaded, kneeling in the grass beside me, lifting my hands to kiss them, her eyes tormented.

I felt my heart break further, if possible. "I'm sorry, Haruka," I said softly and stood, brushing off my dress. "I can no longer speak to you."

The blonde stood, her eyes intense as she gently grabbed my arm. "Why? Did I do something wrong?"

I shook my head quickly, internally begging her not to continue, my heart already aching. "Please, just... leave me alone."

Her eyes clouded with confusion and hurt. "Sumiko, please. I want... I want to love you." She cupped my chin, leaned in, and kissed me. I felt my heart flutter hard in my chest and returned her kiss, feeling joy just for that moment before my hands slid to her chest and I pushed her away despite wanting only to pull her close. She looked to me, pained.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I can't." I could see her heart break mirror my own, but I turned from her and ran.

* * *

It is said there have been several instances where a Haruka and a Michiru, reincarnated to love only each other, have failed to realize that love. Not all love stories can have a happy ending. I write this because someday I wish for the future lovers to know why.

When my sister married Haruka, they were doomed to a life of unhappiness. Soon after the wedding, Haruka and Michiru traveled back to Uranus to claim their throne, having been crowned on Neptune already. My mother arranged for me to marry a kind duke from the south in a place called Tules and I accepted, despite the location of my love.

The marriage was quick, and not nearly as grand as my sister's. I moved to the southern castle the spring after my sister and Haruka had gone to Uranus. It was a full year before I returned to my home, my isolation having kept me away from my unwarranted husband and my palace.

* * *

Seeing Haruka for our birthday celebration made things far more difficult, particularly when Michiru hung on her arm, all smiles and giggles, such as at court. Haruka, however, was reserved, a sadness in her eyes that I knew was mirrored in my own.

The night of our return was to be our party. The grand hall was decorated in ribbons and lilies. I smiled, roaming the familiar halls, missing them dearly. I was lucky, I knew, for my husband didn't force himself or his company on me. I had much time to myself, which I spent recording my increasing number of dreams and visions and checking them against history books and news from the Moon. Now, at home, I felt like I had almost too much time to myself.

I went to the courtyard, touching the blooming azaleas, inhaling their scent. I sensed her before I felt her and I turned to see the blonde queen. I bowed low. "My queen," I said cooly and Haruka chuckled, stopping to pluck a flower from its stem.

"I will only keep that title if you are by my side to uphold it." She held the flower out to me, but I kept my eyes low. She moved to me, her touch soft on my cheek. She slid the flower behind my ear and kissed me.

My eyes fluttered closed, her kiss fulfilling me. I shivered, allowing her to sweep me into her arms, her hands roaming the small of my back and hips. When she pulled away, I felt dizzy.

"You're unfair," I gasped.

Haruka smiled and kissed me again then, her hands finding all of my weaknesses. My chest rose and fell, her kisses seducing me all too easily. She lowered our bodies to the ground, shaded by the blooming flowers, and made love to me.

* * *

The next morning, Michiru was furious. I heard her screaming and yelling in the hall, and finally she flung open the door to my room, her eyes ablaze. She screeched at me, still in her night robes, and launched herself at the bed. I lifted my arms to guard myself, but she hit my chest and abdomen. When I lowered my arms to protect myself there, she slapped and scratched at my face. I cried out and Michiru screamed as she was hauled off of me. Grey eyes looked down at me then, worried and bewildered, and sorrowful.

I felt myself sob, my cheek stinging and hot, bloody, and flew out of bed and the room. I ended up in the courtyard, my safe place, the flowers that had witnessed the consummation of my love for the queen of Uranus seeming to droop.

I sobbed against the marble bench in great heaves, knowing well the reason of my sister's rage and the look in her wife's eyes.

It felt like forever later, but someone else entered the courtyard. I turned, my heart blossoming, expecting to find Haruka as I always did, and instead seeing my mother, her mouth a thin pinched line. I slumped back against the bench.

"You...," she hissed, her voice soft. "You seductress!"

I felt my lip tremble. "Mother..."

A slap resounded through the garden. My eyes widened and I faced my mother, looking up to her with the confused eyes of a child.

"You will leave. I have already told your husband to ready your transport home. I should have known you would try this. You will never again return here. Do you hear me?"

Unfortunately I had heard her. Triton palace was no longer my home. Looking back, I wonder why I never stuck up for myself. I should have told my mother of the dreams, the visions, the endless whispers of the sea. Instead, I was silent, ashamed.

When I left, I turned my eyes to the palace. The transport fluttered into the air, circling the palace. When I turned my gaze down, there she was, her hand reached out to me from the tallest tower where the doves rested, her mouth forming words I couldn't hear.

* * *

Southern Neptune was cold. The sea was chilly, the meekest of birds non-existant. For a year or more I took leave to a cottage on that cold shore, my thoughts becoming repetitive and dull. I sent away all of the maids besides one, working at her side to help with the cleaning and cooking, punishing myself. I talked little, but my thoughts and feelings spilled onto the pages of my diary. Sometimes, I would fill one thick volume a month.

Finally, in the summer, my duke came for me, his eyes worried. Without thought, he wrapped his strong arms around me. I leaned into him, though he would never comfort me completely. "Come home," he urged, and I agreed. My shame touched the deepest part of my heart, prompting me to punish myself in every way I could think, including allowing another to have my body other than my true love.

Two summers later, I had a child. I wrote to my mother of my pregnancy, but she didn't reply. I heard little of palace life in Triton or on Uranus because I did not wish to. I forbade my maids to speak of the palace or the queen or to tell my son of palace life. As he grew, young Rue and his father became quite close. I stayed home as they hunted or fished in the sea for days.

* * *

When I was 30, I received word of the death of my mother. Expecting even the smallest trinket, any morsel of her love, I instead received only a letter from her, written in her elegant scrawl.

"My demands still stand, even in death," it read, and I cried until my throat and eyes felt raw.

* * *

A decade passed in the cool castle in Tules and finally I received an official letter of my very own. Rue stood curiously at my side, and I shooed him off, the smallest smile on my lips. Although I was never entirely happy, this life had begun to suit me. Rue looked so much like his father, and I knew the maids adored him, young and old.

I turned my eyes back to the letter and opened it with hands that shook. Had she written to me? Did she miss me? I felt myself come alive.

I tore the envelope, severing the wax seal from its parchment and the letter fell out. I hastily took it and unfolded it, feeling my heart drop.

"To the Duke and Duchess of Tules, you are cordially invited to the grand ceremony of the royal family of Neptune as they welcome an adopted son into their palace on the passage of the full moon in the 6th month. With warmest regards, Queen Haruka and Queen Michiru of Neptune and Uranus."

I felt my heart break. I showed the letter to Rue and Reisho, knowing my son would be excited to see the palace, though he knew not of my true origin.

I sent them away to the palace two weeks later with a letter of my deepest apologies for not attending, explaining I had to take care of the household. I watched their horses pull away from the grounds, my heart heavy and lonesome.

A full month passed before my husband and son returned home. Rue was dressed in luxurious clothing, his smile alight. The moment he stepped in the door he began to tell me about the palace. How beautiful and grand it was. How numerous the horses were, how proud the soldiers who guarded the gates. I smiled patiently, for I didn't mind remembering all of those things. I followed my son to the garden, where he sat to tell more, his eyes full of wonder and happiness.

"And the queen Michiru," he exclaimed, then looked at me. "She looked just like you, mother."

A smile crossed my lips, though it was hard and forced. "Did she?"

"She asked about you. Where you were. When I said you stayed home, she said... "All the better". Why would she say that?"

My heart sank, my jaw setting, angry. I had done what she and my mother had wanted. I had stayed far from the castle, from my very home, from my very love! What did she want bringing my son into it? This meager existence was all I had now, and she forced to push me away from it too.

"You mustn't listen to her," I told him. "She is a bitter woman." I stood to leave.

"Mother," Rue asked, his voice soft. "When we went to the castle, I lost my way to the dining hall. I wandered, and finally found a long hall full of paintings. One of them... looked like the Queen, and another looked like you. Mother... are you a queen too?"

I paused, my heart hammering in my chest. How observant he was. How could I have thought to have hid it for so long? I turned to him.

"Once upon a time," I responded, but offered nothing else. "Come, it's time for supper. You must be famished from the trip."

* * *

The spring I turned 52, Reisho's health took a turn for the worst. A stag had gouged his side a few months earlier during a hunt, and as the wound healed, it left an infection which soon traveled within his blood.

Although I had never loved Reisho, the night he died I cried myself to sleep. The next morning, Rue was officially placed into his father's position after the funeral. I smiled sadly as he wore the official regalia, his eyes both proud and sad.

My son was a good duke, and Neptune prospered under my sister and her wife's reign. I felt my heart was recovered at last until that same year I heard news of my sister's death. My visions had taught me well that after her death, in lieu of the legends, Haruka would die soon after. I cried not for my sister's passing, but for the thought of Haruka's. I sent Rue to the palace for the funeral with my deepest regrets, and waited eagerly for word on Haruka.

When he returned, however, he held only the prayer totem for my sister. My heart leapt, but I stayed quiet. The day after, I inquired about my love's health. He blinked at me in surprise. "She's perfectly fine," he said. "Why do you ask?"

I smiled inside, my hope redeemed, but my fear keeping me away from my once-home. What if Haruka no longer loved me? I could barely stand the thought of it.

* * *

Weeks later came the news of Haruka's resignation as queen, allowing her adopted son to take their throne. I received a painting of him to hang in the house and smiled, for although he was adopted he had Haruka's grey eyes, his smile as unruly and charming as hers. Imagining her, I began to write to her. I exclaimed my feelings right out, explaining how much I had missed her, how much I wished to see her. I wrote of the palace, of Rue, asking if she had met him. I wrote of Reisho's death, and how even though I tried, I could not love him. "My heart," I wrote, "has forever belonged to you."

I waited weeks for a response, then months. I wrote every week, to no avail. My letters were never replied to. Not a single word. I felt my heart tear itself into pieces like parchment, and wrote no more, fearing my love was forgotten and put aside.

* * *

As I said earlier, not all stories have a happy ending. I wish this one did, but as I write it, I know for certain it will not. It has taken me several days to build the will to write this last portion. After this, I feel it will be my own time to expire.

When I became 61, my hair grey, my face lightly wrinkled, though lovely, I received a letter written on crumpled parchment, the handwritten shaky, almost unreadable. My eyes widened when I realized who it was from.

"My dearest Sumiko," it was scrawled. "I will be sending this with a most trusted friend, for I fear that my letters have been intercepted or, worse, ignored. This will be my last attempt to contact you, because I fear soon the wind will die down in my very veins. My lovely Sumiko, please forgive me, for my feelings have made my life most difficult. I regret to say that I never loved your sister. These years have been spent with my heart in turmoil, craving only to see your face once more. I read of your son and felt my heart shatter, fearing you had forgotten me and given yourself to another. I blamed myself until I read your letter and knew my heart was as your own. Sumiko, times have become hard. I can hardly hear the wind howling. Please, come to my side. My deepest love, -H."

My heart leapt in my chest and I bid Rue to gather me an escort. His eyes were full of confusion, having never seen such passion in me. My subdued life had taken control of me, made me docile and quiet. But now, I felt my eyes must have been like the wild, churning sea, for he called for a carriage at once.

The palace was just as I remembered it. A young maid led me to the royal chamber where my parents had once slept, down the long halls I had played in as a child. I wore a black dress, a black veil covering my face. As I entered the room, the smell of lavender and incense filled my nose. I saw movement on the bed and went to the side of my love. Haruka sat up. Her grey eyes were all at once filled with love and life, though her face was old like mine, her hair pure white. "Sumiko...," she said, tears sliding down her cheeks. I lifted my veil, crying as well.

"I feared you wouldn't come," she said and extended her arms slowly to pull me close. I could feel she was frail and now my tears came harder, falling for her sorry state.

"You asked me to. I had thought you had forgotten me. How could I have said no?" I sat at her side, holding her thin hand. "What... what is wrong?" I sobbed then.

She looked at me. "The doctors believe it is simply old age. The people of Uranus live saturated lives. They surround themselves with people, foods, things they love. But I, my love, have been refused what I loved most." She lay back, her eyes distant. "I fought with Michiru so often about you. I wanted you near me. I wanted her to lift her cruel treatment of you, to invite you home. It's funny... I tried for years to love her. To find something about her worth wanting and needing. But all I found... was her eyes. Her eyes so much like yours."

My heart twisted and I touched her hand, noticing her breathing was labored. "Haruka..."

"It will be time soon, now. My last wish before death was simply to see you." She smiled weakly, and I could sense her spirit fading fast.

"Haruka, please," I said. "I have something to tell you. Something I need to tell you. Many years ago, I neglected to tell anyone this, and because of it my life has been misery. I have lived in loneliness because of a silly mistake."

She looked to me. "I don't understand," she said, her eyes never leaving mine.

"I should have told my mother. I should have... told her...," I squeezed her hand, seeing the light fading from her eyes. Tears fell swiftly down my cheeks, my insides aching. "I should have told her I am Michiru! Please forgive me!"

Haruka's hand shook, a smile lifting her pale lips. She coughed. "I knew," she whispered. "I knew you had to be. I... read all of the books. There was no way she was you. I forgive you and... I love you... Michiru."

Her eyes closed and I felt the wind cease around the palace just for a moment. My lip quivered and I sobbed, falling against her chest, heaving great gulps of air, crying loudly against my love's frail, lifeless body.

Not even the truth could set us free.

* * *

Haruka was buried in the hot desert sand of Uranus, beneath the obelisk erected millennia before for her royal family. In the air was the smell of gardenia. I took a flower home to keep, and even now it sits at my side, dried and preserved. I can still smell its faint fragrance.

It has been 2 months since my love's funeral. Finally, my story can come to an end. I know of the legends, and I take my fate gratefully. I will give my spirit back to Neptune soon, willingly, for I know again I will meet with my destiny.

Although we have failed. Although we were not able to spend our lives together, my love for Haruka knew no bounds. Please forgive me, whomever you are who finds this. Know that your fate must be heeded. You must do what you were born to do. You must love who you were born to love, for in this lies true happiness and true power. I pray you will find peace.

To my dearest Haruka, I await your love once more.

* * *

A.N.: I hope you enjoyed! Please check out Within Temptation's song 'Forgiven'. It definitely coincides with this fic. Thanks for reading!


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